Oil Change Instructions For Women1) Drive down to the mechanic's when the odometer reaches 5000Km since the last oil change.2) Drink a cup of coffee.3) 15 minutes later, write a cheque and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.Money spent: $40.00 for oil change $1.00 for coffee ====== $41.00 TotalOil Change Instructions For Men1) Go to auto parts store and write a cheque for $50.00 foroil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree.2) Discover that the used oil container is full. Instead of taking it to the servo to recycle, dump in hole in back yard.3) Open a beer and drink it.4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.7) Place drain pan under engine.8) Look for 9/16 in socket set.9) Give up and use ring spanner.10) Unscrew drain plug, ensuring to strip the bolt as much as possible.11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: get hot oil on you in process.12) Swear profusely and clean up mess.13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.14) Look for oil filter wrench.15) Give up; poke oil filter with screwdriver and twist off.16) Have another Beer.17) Mate shows up; finish slab with him. Finish oil change tomorrow.18) Next day, drag pan full of old oil out from underneath the car.19a) Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 18.19b) Pour pan of oil down the hole in the backyard, and cover.20) Have another Beer. Oh No, you drank it all yesterday.21) Walk to store; buy a slab.22) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.22a) Open oil cap and watch as perished rubber seal breaks and falls into engine.22b) Try and dig out pieces with tongs.22c) Try another seal and manage to drop it into engine as well.22d) Unscrew rocket cover and recover all seals and pieces thereof.22e) Dash to car parts store only to find they don't stock required seal.22f) Replace rocket cover.23) Dump first litre of fresh oil into engine.23a) Improvise new seal with lots of electical tape, jam the oil cap into place and hope for the best.24) Remember drain plug from step 11.25) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.26) Discover that the drain plug is buried in a hole in the back yard, along with drain oil.27) Have another beer.28) Uncover hole and sift for drain plug.29) Discover that first litre of fresh oil is now on the floor.30) Have another beer.31) Slip with spanner tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on suspension.32) Bang head on floor in reaction to step 31.33) Begin swearing fit.34) Throw spanner.35) Swear for additional 10 minutes because spanner hit Miss December(1992) in the left boob.35) Have another Beer.36) Clean up hands and forehead and bandage as to stop blood flow.37) Have another Beer.38) Have another Beer.39) Dump in five litres of fresh oil.40) Have another Beer.41) Lower car from jack stands.42) Accidentally crush one of the jack stands.43) Move car to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during step 23.44) Have another Beer.45) Test drive car.46) Get pulled over - arrested for driving under the influence.47) Car gets impounded.48) Take Taxi home49) Have argument with wife50) Wife refuses to drive. Take taxi to impound yard next day.51) Get car from impound yard, pay fine52) Buy flowers for wife53) Go to Court. Get fined. Have licence suspended.54) Take train/bus/taxi for next 3 monthsMoney spent:$50.00 parts $50.00 beer $50.00 replacement set of jack stands: $50.00 flowers $1,000.00 Fine $200.00 Impound and towing fee $400.00 Transport fares ========= $1,800.00 Total
Yes it's about right but... ...for the ladies changing oil after 5000km! C'mon, my sister left the oil in her mazda so long it wouldn't drain!Yes, yes I know not all women so don't flame me about being sexist blah blah blah!Cheers Geoff
hehe I like that although, misseda a step somewhere 22a) wife startes nagging how you drink to much when playing with the car!!!
