Hello and welcome to the Mental Health Hotline. Your call is important to us so please listen carefully to the following instructions : If you are obsessive, compulsive - press 1 repeatedly. If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you. If you have multiple personalities, press 3,4, 5 and 6. If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call. If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mothership. If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press. If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press no one will answer you. If you are dyslexic, press 969696969696969 If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the # key until a representative comes on the line. If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, telephone number, date of birth, social security number and your mother's maiden name. If you have post traumatic stress disorder, s-l-o-w-l-y a-n-d c-a-r-e-f-u-l-l-y p-r-e-s-s 000. If you have short term memory loss, press 9. If you have short term memory loss, press 9. If you have short term memory loss, press 9. If you have short term memory loss, press 9. If you have low esteem, please hang up. All of our operators are too busy to talk to you. If you are blonde, don't press any buttons, you'll just mess things up. :LOL:
