> Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides > gently compressed by a Thigh Master. > > > He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a > guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of > those > boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at > high > schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of > those > boxes with a pinhole in it. > > > She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was > room-temperature prime English beef. > > > She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes > just before it throws up. > > > Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever. > > > He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree. > > > The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated > because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge > at > a formerly surcharge-free ATM. > > > The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a > bowling ball wouldn't. > > > McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag > filled with vegetable soup. > > > From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an > eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and > "Sex in the City" comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30. > > > Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze. > > > The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you > fry them in hot oil. > > > John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had > also never met. > > > Even in his last years, Grandad had a mind like a steel trap, only > one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut. > > > The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, > this plan just might work. > > > The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not > eating for a while. > > > "Oh, Jason, take me!"; she panted, her breasts heaving like a Uni > student on $1-a-beer night. > > > He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, > but a real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a land mine > or something. > > > The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg > behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant. > > > He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as > if she were a garbage truck backing up. > > > She was as easy as the TV Guide crossword > > > She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs. > > > It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it > to the wall.----------The dust bin man. > >A dustman is going along a street picking up the wheely bins and >emptying > >them into his Truck. He gets to one house where the bin hasn't been >left > >out so he has a quick look for it, goes round the back but still can't >see > >it so he knocks on the door. There's no answer so he knocks again. > >Eventually a Japanese bloke answers... > >"Harro", says the jappy chappy. > >"Alright mate, where's your bin?" asks the dustman. > >"I bin on toilet" replies the Japanese bloke, looking perplexed. > >Realising the Japanese fellow has misunderstood, the binman smiles and >says > >"No mate, where's ya dust bin?" > >"I dust bin on toiret I told you" says the Japanese man. > >"Mate" says the dustman... "you're misunderstanding me... Where's your > >Wheely Bin?" > >"OK" "OK" , says the Jap, "I wheely bin having wank
you sons of b*****'s! :| :| Muahahahaha!! Swap you the sign for your z's. either of yours, either one im happy.
