We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note.....these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!!!1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us bitching about you leaving it down.1. Birthdays, Valentines and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!1. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.1. Saturday and Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.1. Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractivethan short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her.1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.1. Crying is blackmail.1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!1. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a calender. Remind us frequently beforehand.1. Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?1. Do not ask questions that will result in a conflict whichever way we answer you. For example when you ask "Does my a$$ look fat in this?" and we answer "No" we are liars, "Yes" we are in BIG TROUBLE.1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.1 Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.1. If you won't dress like the "Victoria's Secret" girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.1. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know the best way how to do it, just do it yourself.1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.1. Captain Cook did not need directions, and neither do we.1. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends.1. ALL men see in only 16 colours, like Windows default setting. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a colour. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.1. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.1. If we ask what's wrong and you say "nothing", we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you're lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.1. It is neither in your best interest or ours to take the quiz together. No, it doesn't matter which quiz.1. BEER and SCOTCH are as exciting for us as handbags are for you. hmmm i think i really like number...1
I am printing that out and....> And giving it to Heidi (g/f) IMMEDIATELY! I'm going to keep it on me at ALL times! Everytime she annoys me, I'm not going to say anything, I'm just going to take out the rules and show them to her to refresh her memory. Sometimes I may even point to the rule being broken Thanks twistedz, you may have just taken all of the stress out of my life=) These should be handed out at birth
