HOLDEN PLANT PRODUCTION HALTED BY GIANT YABBIES Darren Hunch 1 April 2007 www.carnews.com.au Weekend production at GM Holden?s Elizabeth plant in Adelaide came to a grinding halt this morning as hundreds of giant Yabbies took over the factory floor. Bemused factory workers could do nothing but run as the fast moving horde overran the factory. The crustacean, known locally as ?Chazwazzes?, are thought to have come from a dam near the plant that supplies Holden with water for it?s foundry works. GM Holden Chairman Denny Mooney, who was visiting the plant at the time, said it was the strangest occurrence he has ever seen. ?Wild creatures shutting down an auto plant?! That's pretty strange, even by US standards, and I should know? said Mooney. One worker was injured when a large group of the creature chased him down into a new Commodore that he had been working on. They ripped off his clothing before they attacked his genitals, an area they are known to attack first. ?My missus would have killed me if I lost my manhood" the worker later laughed. "I tried to tell them I was already circumcised but they wouldn't listen". The worker received only minor cut and bruises to the lower half of his body. The Yabbies have been known to stalk and attack Holden employee?s in the past as they walk through the plants carpark. This is the first recorded instance of them entering the factory itself. They can grow anywhere up to one metre in length and have razor-sharp nippers that can cut through steel. They have been known to gang-up on victims before attacking them. The last known Chazwazza related death was in 2003 when a 29 year-old Townsville man?s skeletal remains were found in a local watering hole infested by the creature less than a day after he set off from town on a bushwalking expedition. This comes at a hard time for Holden who was recently accused of introducing the dreaded Cane Toad into the US by ship during its recent Pontiac GTO export program. GM czar Bob Lutz recently brushed of this accusation by saying ?It?s total crap, but if introducing a foreign menace that will over-run and kill all our native American wildlife is the price to pay for importing these wonderful Holden products, then it?s a very small price to pay? Most of the invaders have now been caught and sent to the local fish market for sale. Production is expected to resume at midday today.
