Alleged headlines... dunno how real these are .. :wacko: Crack Found on Governor's Daughter [imagine that]! Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says [no, really]? Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers [now that's taking things a bit far]! Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus? [not if I wipe thoroughly]! Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over [what a guy]! Miners Refuse to Work after Death [no-good-for-nothin' lazy so-and-sos]! Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant [see if that works any better than a fair trial]! War Dims Hope for Peace [I can see where it might have that effect!] If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile [you think]? Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures [who would have thunk it]! Enfield (London) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide [they may be on to something]! Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges [you mean there's something stronger than duct tape]? Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge [he probably IS the battery charge]! New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group [weren't they fat enough]? Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft [That's what he gets for eating those beans!] Kids Make Nutritious Snacks [Taste like chicken?] Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half [Chainsaw Massacre all over again!] Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors [Boy, are they tall!] And the winner is.... Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
