Australia, The Tourist Destination

Discussion in 'Non Technical' started by Scotty, Apr 9, 2003.

  1. Scotty

    Scotty Guest

    These questions about Australia were posted on an Australian
    Tourism Website and obviously the answers came from a fellow Aussie.
    1. Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it
    rain on TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK)
    A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around
    watching them die. 2. Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
       A: Depends how much you've been drinking 3. Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the
    railroad tracks? (Sweden)
       A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of
    water... 4.   Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden)
        A: So its true what they say about Swedes. 5.   Q: It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of
    places to contact for a stuffed porpoise. (Italy)
        A: Let's not touch this one. 6. Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you
    send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville
    and Hervey Bay?(UK)
       A: What did your last slave die of? 7. Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in
    Australia? (USA)
       A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of
    Europe. Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the
    Pacific which does not... oh forget it.Sure, the hippo racing is
    every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked. 8. Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)
       A: Face south and then turn 90 degrees. Contact us when you
       get here and we'll send the rest of the directions. 9.   Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)
        A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do. 10. Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
        A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering
    Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir
    plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo
    races. Come naked. 11.   Q: Do you have perfume in Australia? (France)
          A: No, WE don't stink. 12.    Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of
    youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia (USA)
           A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather. 13.    Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? (UK)
           A: You are a British politician, right? 14.    Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female
    population is smaller than the male population? (Italy).
           A: Yes, gay nightclubs. 15.    Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)
           A: Only at Christmas. 17. Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all
    year round? (Germany)
        A: No, we are a peaceful civilisation of vegan hunter
    gatherers. Milk is illegal. 8. Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can
    dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
       A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come
    from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely
    handled and make good pets. 19. Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I
    forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)
        A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they
    drop out of gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking
    underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with
    human urine before you go out walking. 21. Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact
    the girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help?
        A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour. 22. Q: Will I be able to speek English most places I go? (USA)
        A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first. 23.Q: Do the Australians like Americans?
        A: Yes, make sure to wear socks with sandles, big hats, bright baggy shorts past your knees and say "Oh my Gawd" three times a minute and "Like" prefixed to every word. Can anyone else think of any more?? :)

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